The Camping Gourmet

For centuries, millions of people have asked me “what the hell do you eat when you’re camping, anyway?” Now finally, my secret can be revealed…


Here you see the contents of a typical camping food stash. Obviously few can afford such luxuries. Let’s break it down, victual by victual, shall we?

  • Jerked Bleef
  • Trail Mix-a-lot
  • Smoked Oysters
  • Smoked Herring 
  • Smoked Peanut Butter
  • Baked Beans Mr. Taggart?
  • Powdered Gator Aid w/ coke spoon
  • Disgusting Clif Bars
  • Mini Ravioli best served cold
  • Trader Joe’s instant coffee
  • Pete’s Coffee (in ziploc baggy)
  • 4 cans Starbucks doubleshot espresso
  • and Tums because I’m old

That’s about enough chow for four or five days if you’re a light eater like me. Obviously, having enough caffeine is the key here. After all, if I run out of food I can always eat another camper.

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